Bitch boots

It’s been a while. Business with work, school and life. 

We went to counseling. It was interesting. It was made clear we have a communication problem. I was blamed for his not playing in a band anymore. I refused to wear that. I stated I didn’t trust him. He fired back with he doesn’t trust me either. Boo-ya. That’s when he brought up my past depression and despair. The times I just wanted it all to end. I wore that, and I didn’t mention that  the desperation stemmed from never knowing what was next, financially, emotionally. Being captive to another persons choices. I should have. Maybe we wouldn’t be here now. 

Now I have to look at that. He pissed March’s rent away, as well as the money for his truck registration. April is due in two weeks. We are just managing to pay March’s by the grace of God, with what should be April’s. I am done. 

I am done ALLOWING myself to be held captive by the choices of a selfish and immature attitude that says “I can have what I want without regard to the others in my life.” I am done driving an unreliable gas hog of a car, sitting on a couch that has the stuffing coming out while he has a truck, two boats and a motorcycle, I am done hearing “I’m sorry, I’ll fix it” when it is something that should have never been broken in the first place. 

The bitch is back. I am not a door mat, I am a daughter of Zion and I will not stand idly by with my mouth shut on any of the issues anymore. It is time to grab the bull by the horn and throw out the bullshit. First things first. I need a car. Anyone want to buy a boat? They are going on craigslist.