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One thing is certain, when God is cleansing your past you will have multiple opportunities to deal with your mistakes.
It’s been several months, things are not perfect, but my husband is trying. He is truly seeking the Lord and trying to do what is right. I don’t always make that easy, so I doubly admire his surrender to God.
The man lived a duplicitous life for years. For one group of people he was a sweet and charming man, all the while living deceptively outside of their radar. One of his lies was a woman, who he can’t say he was ‘dating’, he was just sleeping with her. No strings right?? Well someone should have told her that.
They were seeing each other before we were married, and as it turns out, while we were dating. I don’t need all the details, I have enough, she was unstable and he wanted to get laid. Just before we were married it was brought to my attention that he owed her money, and she wasn’t going to go away until she got it. Phone calls at all hours, pleading to come see her, threats.
In my co-dependence I took the bull by the horns and took control of the situation. My ghetto girl came out and I called her. I asked “how much”, she gave me a number and we paid it off in about six months.
She crawled out of the woodwork again six months after that. And then again in five years. Each time wanting money for her or some other unnamed person. Each time, I handled the situation like a pro. Don’t mess with my man. I will mess you up.
Then last month some time she started calling his work and showing up. He wouldn’t see her, but he also didn’t tell me for a week or two. In the past I think he could have handled that for a bit longer, this time the strain of a secret got to him. This is good as one of my conditions is NO lies, NO sick secrets. He came home and handed me her phone number and told me what was going on.
Ghetto girl came out again. Head bobbing attitude and all. Seriously, I had this crap handled! I got on the phone, and I made it very clear that this was not okay, and she had better stop. I explained to her some things in no uncertain terms and was hung up on before I could explain the rest.
BAD choice. Seriously, God has worked on me for a year over lingering co-dependency issues. God is seriously working on making my husband a man of integrity. My husband is a man who has never had to confront his stuff head on, and here I was shielding him AGAIN. Just to be certain I was aware of the fact that it was a bad choice, I was up all night.
I wanted to sleep, but God wanted to talk. When my Abba says “We need to talk” the right answer is always “Yes, Lord.”
All night He talked. I listened. I was shielding my husband from something God wanted him to walk through. This was not my test. No there was no money owed, but there was some things to deal with. My husband had been claiming to be a man of God, while living outside of any sort of obedience to Him. God showed me clearly that this woman, as psychotic as she is, had been used. Yes, she had offered herself up to it, she had not been an unwilling victim. But no man has a right to use a woman like that, and my husband had to face his choices and then deal with her himself. He needed to make a stand in integrity.
More than that, I needed to back off and let him. I was to encourage, not take over. There was no healing in my taking over, and that is not the path God had for our marriage.
It was a long night. A lot of listening and repenting on my part. I love God’s mercy and grace.
In the morning I spoke to my husband about my night. I told him everything God had shown me, including the part about his wronging this woman, even if she was willing. I told him that he was the one who had lived a lie, and he was the one who would need to deal with his past. I gave him the scriptures God gave me to encourage him. Zechariah 3: 1-7 and Psalms 32. I encouraged him to be ready to deal with her if she called again.
She did, and he did deal with her. He apologized for any wrong he had done to her, and told her he didn’t owe her any money, stop calling. She threatened him, and said she wouldn’t stop calling. She yelled and tried to talk over him and hung up when he persisted with the truth. So far she hasn’t called back.
He faced his past and dealt with the conflict of it, and he feels good about it. One of my prayers has been that he stop avoiding necessary conflict, and I almost stepped right in the way of having that prayer answered. The fact is this could have set us back. I am so thankful to a God who is faithful, even when it hurts my pride. I had to look at my co-dependancy again. I had to put my head bobbing, “I got this shit handled” ghetto girl back where she belonged. She may have her moments that she needs to make an appearance, but this was not her moment. This was God’s moment to shine in my husband and He does much better work than me.
God shakes things up. It doesn’t always feel good, but He has His reasons. It gets our attention, it shakes out the old things He wants us to deal with, it brings Him glory. His shaking things up can be painful and frightening, especially at first.
In Haggai God’s people were not working FOR Him. As a result they were not able to enjoy His blessings. God told them
Hag 2:6-7 This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land.
I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,’ says the LORD Almighty.
The Lord wanted His house built, He wanted to call His people back to Him. This last year I have experienced that kind of shaking. My Abba had enough of what was going on in our lives. He brought me to a place where I had no choice but to say “No more.” He shook my world and brought me to such a broken place that there was no way for me to fix it. He brought me completely to my knees, no longer able to stand in my own strength, able only to depend on Him. And then He taught me to hang on.
He shook my marriage for a almost a year. Shaking it until the most stubborn of the ugliness hiding inside the walls of our hearts was revealed. I had a lot to learn about myself and healing He was absolutely going to bring me through.
He shook my marriage so that all I could do was hold on to Him, letting go of anything that would hinder my grip in His hand. He shook our world and calmed me as I watched my husband run, until he had no choice but to completely go or let go to the One who loves him best.
God’s shaking is tremendous. His faithfulness is bigger. His shaking has a purpose, and if you look at it the wrong way you may think it is all about destruction.
My marriage could have ended. Shaking brought me to a place where I let it go, where I finally said “God, whatever happens YOU are in control and YOU hold me in the palm of Your hand. Lord, YOU have my husband in the palm of your hand, do whatever must be done.”
God shook things up, and I did not know what would happen. When God shook things in Haggai, He followed it with a promise
Hag 2:8-9 ‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the LORD Almighty.
‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the LORD Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the LORD Almighty.”
Today we are His temple, and we are more precious to Him than silver and gold. Today He still shakes things up, and His promises are true…His glory will be greater in the present than the former, and there will be peace.
I have no doubt that there will be times of more shaking, but in this last moment of shaking I can see His promises. I can see Him working in my life, my husbands life, and as a result our life together. His glory is all over that! His peace is in our home.
And with that, I think I may have less to say here, unless He leads me.
What I feared was hopeless, was not. My marriage could have gone another way, several times. Would I encourage others to stay in similar situations? Yes, IF that is what GOD is telling you to do.
Staying was difficult, but He had a purpose and a timing, for both my husband and myself. And HE is perfect.
An intimate Journey 