The morning is my quiet time with God. It’s often hard to find the quiet spaces when you don’t have a place of your own at the moment. Mornings are always best for me, devotion, prayer, coffee…
This morning started like that, with a little journaling. when He spoke to my heart.
“Today is significant.”
November 6? Significant? I certainly had no idea why, but with prompting I pulled down an old journal and looked for an entry. There it was, 11/6/13, he wanted to move to the coast. Just like that, he had an “opportunity” at a hotel there and we could move to the coast. He could stay at the Hotel until…
Until what? I found a job? He found a place? He moved on? His other option was live at the Hotel and come home on the weekends. Hmmm, curious idea for a man who couldn’t stay faithful when he came home every night.
Hard to answer that one.
I resisted this move, although it is the area I am certain God will move me to eventually. I love it there, I did then as well. My journal reflects concerns about my son, still a senior in high school, my job and my community. The community was important, how important I didn’t realize at the time. It is that community that pulled me up when it all came apart, the community that holds me up still.
I didn’t realize at the time he was having an affair, that he was chasing more women. I didn’t know, looking back though I see the pattern of running.
Moving would mean a way out without accountability, without having to change. I am almost certain he would have gone without me and moved on there as well. Had I have gone then one thing is certain, the only things that would have changed are geography and my support system. His behavior would be the same, and I would have been abandoned without my community to love me through it.
So the date is significant, it is the date I prayed and said “No, I am certain God doesn’t want me going right now.” It is the date I stood strong enough, if just for a moment, to listen to God say be still. It is a date that changed many possibilities.
It changed the possibility of his running from what he was doing, and eventually being called to the carpet. It changed the possibility of my being broken alone, without those who know me well enough to pray me through. Those are big possibilities, probabilities.
But now my question is what do I do with this significant date? It was important enough to be brought to my attention. Maybe the only thing to really do is praise. Praise God for His protection, for giving me strength to say “no, not at this time.” Praise Him for protecting me from the possibilities and revealing truth, no matter how painful it ended up being. If there is more to it I trust Him for revelation and even then gratefulness is the only appropriate response.